Why the Detour?

I have been so hesitant to “go there” with the issue of race within this blog and ironically have been even more hesitant to “go there” at this specific moment in time and in history. I’ll give you just a small sampling of the objections my inner critic has made to this detour:

• But there is a spreadsheet! It’s “freedom tools,” “lies,” “the ‘un’s’ that enslave us… This is not the plan!
• But what if people think I’m just adding to the noise of the “hot topic of the moment?” What if they see this as me making a political statement?
• But what if I say the wrong thing? Or what if I say the right thing in the wrong way?
• I’m already worn out from the pandemic and personal matters. How can I possibly add such an emotionally exhausting endeavor to the mix?

If I were to give you the full list, you may be tempted to say: “you know Allie, you could be right! Maybe you should just pack it up and leave it to everyone else.” But here’s the thing: I cannot remember the last time the Holy Spirit put a knot this big in the pit of my throat. It’s as though God will not let me off the hook. And here are a few reasons why….

BECAUSE RACISM IS A STRONGHOLD THAT MUST BE DEMOLISHED

I am very intentional about what I post on this blog and the one question I always ask is: “how does this fit within the mission of Freed to Soar?”…

Freed to Soar is about helping people receive freedom from the things that prevent them from fully living into God’s unique purpose for their lives.

Is racism something that has the power to prevent people from fully living into God’s unique purposes for their lives? Does the answer to that question seem as crazy simple to you as it does to me? If racism is real and alive, (which I intend to illustrate it very sadly but very much is), then hundreds of millions of people in our country are running this life with a set of chains they received at birth simply because of the level of melanin in their skin.

Anyone who has watched anything, read anything, listened to anything in these past weeks has come to see the various freedoms that people of color in this country do not experience,  

• They aren’t free to run in their neighborhoods without fear
• They aren’t free from the very real danger of false accusation
• They aren’t free to “be presumed innocent” until proven guilty
• They aren’t free to trust law enforcement
• They aren’t free to wear certain clothing without being presumed to be “thugs” and “criminals”
• Need I go on…?

As Christians, none of us should be ok with this reality. Racism strips people of their humanity, their dignity, their identity, and their voice. It takes away their freedom in one of the most hideous ways possible. Racism IS a stronghold of the enemy, that those who rejoice in the cross of Jesus, should be relentless in seeing fall.

BECAUSE GOD IS AT WORK IN THIS MOMENT

While I have literally written countless outlines of what exploring this topic within this blog could look like for MONTHS, I actually hesitated to do it now. I didn’t want to seem like just another “bandwagon” white person who wanted a seat at the table in the topic of the moment. But while I was sitting there, wrestling with all this, a Facebook live popped up on my news feed. It was my good friend Leon, a seminary classmate of mine who is currently a pastor in Detroit. For 20 minutes I bowed my heart and my head as my dear friend expressed his pain as a black man and a pastor. And as he spoke, he recalled something our wonderful preaching professor Haddon Robinson often said:

“As a pastor you have to stay connected to the pain and the realities of your people.”

I was never ordained, and it has been five years since I received a paycheck from a church. And yet, I am a pastor. As I say in my bio: “I am a pastor whose church has no walls.” When people ask me if I “miss ministry” I tell them, I am just as much in ministry now as I was for the 10 years where it was my “paid vocation.” This work here, and in my relationships and in my conversations are ALL pastoral. So if I am a pastor, and you are my people, and some of my people are hurting, and some of my people aren’t hurting, but should be, then it is my God-given duty to stay connected here.

To remain silent, would be to gloss over one of the most important movements that I believe God is intending to do in our nation in this moment. To remain silent, would be to remain complicit. And I refuse to be complicit with so much on the line. No one is asking me to write or say any of this. No one, but the Lord. And HE is the only one I will always obey.

BECAUSE AS I HAVE PRAYED, GOD HAS REVEALED THE UNIQUE PERSPECTIVE I AM MEANT TO SHARE

Does it fit the mission? YES. Does the moment demand it? YES. BUT, what do I have to say, that a million other people haven’t already said, far more intelligently, powerfully, and eloquently? I’m just being honest here. When I read all these articles that people post I learn so much and I think: “what more could I possibly contribute?” It’s a legitimate question, right? You don’t want to read one more iteration of the same thing, right?

So, I asked the Lord, “God, if you really want me to write, you need to show me what unique thing I have to offer.” And as I listened, as I prayed, as I wrestled, as I burned with anger, as I wept, God showed up. And this is what He said:

“What you have to offer is your journey.”

I have been spending the last few weeks taking in the stories of people of color. I have read their articles. I have watched the movies. I have listened to them speak. They all have stories. And all of their stories need to be heard. When it comes to what racism looks like, what racism feels like, what racism costs, I 100% every time defer to them.

But here’s what I realized. I actually am an “expert” in one thing when it comes to racism. I am an expert in knowing what it looks like to begin a journey I didn’t realize I wasn’t yet on. I am an expert in all of the emotions that come with being confronted for the first time with realities about myself and the system that I had denied all my life. I am an expert in making progress. I am an expert in falling flat on my face. I am an expert in being on the life-long journey of imperfectly growing into the anti-racist I long to be.

So, if you want to know what it’s really like for people of color out there, listen to their stories. If you want statistics and policies, I am sure someone has those for you. I am not going to try to be someone that I am not, giving you something that is not mine to give. Instead, I will stick to my expertise. I will share my journey.

BECAUSE THE COST IS ABSOLUTELY AND COMPLETELY WORTH IT

I’m not going to lie; the decision to go here is costly. Right now, I am sitting in a house with no children! My in-laws have kindly taken them for a few days so I can get a short breather in this long marathon that is this pandemic. Part of me, a BIG part of me, would rather be Netflix binging and eating all the junk food I have been hiding from my kids. It has been a very hard few months and my emotional reserves are low. But I choose to write. There is a cost.

I am also keenly aware of the relational cost of this detour. I know that after my last blog post I lost some readers and I am sure after this one, others will follow. Some of those readers I may not know personally. Some I may. To me these are all relationships, but the actual living ones that will take some real blows because of this decision may never fully recover. There is a cost.

But here’s the deal: IT IS WORTH THE COST! If I am able to help one person begin the journey; if one person is able to detach this issue from a cherished political platform; if one person starts to really listen, it will all be worth it.

My prayer is that you will trust me enough to stay in the car, to explore new scenery, and to trust God to give you an open mind and an open heart as you do.