The greatest gift I gave myself this past summer was a weekly “to-do” notebook. Each week is nicely planned out on a single page—appointments I have, things I want to accomplish, even the weekly exercise and dinner calendar and grocery list. As a person who is embarrassingly satisfied by a good list, flipping through the weeks dating back to early August brings me abnormal joy. I am also sure my family has appreciated it just as much, as the number of random lists on scraps of paper floating all over the house have significantly diminished since this gift was purchased. On this list for the past few weeks, and yet to be checked off, is a task that has gone by many names:
“Hello, Goodbye”
“2024 Intentions”
“Goals for the New Year”
I have never been great about New Years Resolutions. As a perfectionist who is also easily distracted and drawn in new directions, it just seems like a recipe for disaster. I usually “fail” at at least one of them within the first few weeks and then feel like a total loser. At the same time, one of my core values in life is to live intentionally. I don’t want to float through life and see how it turns out. I want to have an impact on this world and on the people that I come into contact with each day.
You can see where these two sides of me often leave me scratching my head.
Anyway, in an attempt to fill in all the boxes on my “to-do” notepad I have jotted things down here and there when it comes to 2024:
Send a postcard every week
Schedule time with the people I love and have neglected
Try new classes at the gym (do things that scare me)
And yet, none of these things fully resonate in my soul. Yes, I want to do them. But I want to do them not because they are good things to put into a list. The reason I want to do them is rooted in values I hold about what makes for a good life that brings joy and peace and hope to myself and others. I want to do them because they do truly free me to be able to soar. And that’s when it hit me:
I don’t need a list of resolutions: I need a list of life principles.
2020 really knocked the will to write out of me. I had struggled deeply throughout the pandemic physically, relationally, spiritually, and emotionally. I found the pillars of support around me come tumbling down one after another. Key relationships crumbled. My trust in and hope for the Christian Church felt like an elaborate sandcastle being washed away a piece at a time with the rising tide of the ocean. It was as though the hope within me was being drained slowly. And then January 6th happened, and in the aftermath, when I realized that this was NOT going to be a wake up call and a turning point within the nation and the Church, I felt like I had nothing left to give.
2021-2023 was a very long season of rebuilding. Well, first survival, then rebuilding. There was a whole lot of lament. There was a long process of healing my body; a bunch of therapy; reconstructing my faith, and so much more. Those years shaped me in ways I cannot explain. They were some of the hardest I have been through, rivaling only 2013-2015 with the illness and ultimate death of my dad, the financial and relational struggles we faced within our church, and the ultimate gigantic unwanted and unexpected move to a very new state and culture. Those years changed me. But changed me for the good. And so have these.
I would not be the same person without 2013-2015 and I AM not the same person because of 2021-2023.
So that brings me back to these unchecked boxes of what to do with 2024. What I have learned in these past few years is that the way to truly experience contentment and satisfaction, and the way to leave the biggest impact on those I interact with, is not by dutifully fulfilling some specific goals. Rather, it is by living more fully into the life lessons I have gathered through what I have experienced.
In light of this, I have learned NOT to make promises I cannot be sure to keep for myself or for you. I had an intention to blog about change last year. Clearly, that clearly didn’t happen. So here is what I want to tell you today. IF I return to my blog this year, (and I give myself the grace and loving permission not to if circumstances pull me elsewhere), this is what I want to share.
I want to share some of the principles I am seeking to live by in 2024.
These are some of the principles that have served me well as I have journeyed to a place of far more inner peace and unconditional acceptance than I have ever experienced before. They are principles that when I spend a day really consciously attempting to live into them, have led to peaceful nights of sleep without the brain spin I have far too often experienced for so many years of my life. This is an exercise for me, as much as it may be for you. My hope is that they will stand as reminders to me to live in the ways that have served me most well. My hope for you is that you will take what is helpful and see how it fits for you. Welcome to 2024, friends!