No More Time for Silence

I have been sitting on this post for the last week. Really, I have been sitting on this post for the last few months. My heart has been stirred by issues of injustice my whole life, but it wasn’t until I took a “class” in seminary entitled “Christianity and the Problem of Racism” that I really started to SEE what racism really was and what it wasn’t. And in that “class” which was really an experience more than anything else, I listened to people scream at each other on day 1. And on day 6, I saw the same people weeping and embracing. It gave me a vision of how deep racism still runs, but also gave me a hope I never felt before about the true love and reconciliation that can come when we white people are willing to repent, be humble, really listen and use our privilege for good.

God has been stirring me in unexpected ways during this last year. And one of the things I have done is planted myself deep in the Gospels. I have tried to delete all the things the church has told me over the years and just look square into the heart of Jesus. What did he care about? What moved him to action? How did he treat people? And the more I look at Jesus, the more I know that were He to live today, He would be on the front line with all the protestors. And guys, He WOULD be holding up a “Black Lives Matters” sign. I know that in that sentence, many of you have probably written me off for good. But here’s the thing: God has called me to be courageous. He has commanded me to speak what He puts on my lips. And this is what I have heard. I promise to unpack that much more in the future, but for now I just want to share what I plan to do moving forward.

I PLAN TO BECOME A STUDENT

I will never know what it is to walk in black or brown skin. I will never presume to fully understand. But what I can do it read. What I can do is listen. So, I will do those things. I will buy the books you recommend. I will read every word you post on social media. I will join your webinars and listen to your reflections. I want to hear your stories. I want to know what the houses are that need to fall. I will become the student.

I PLAN TO STAND UP MORE OFTEN AND IN MORE PLACES

I will stand up in my relationships. I will no longer stand by and listen when an off-handed joke is made. I will not remain silent when a racial slur is spoken. I will stand up in my church if it isn’t acting as a beacon of love and truth in the heinous reality of racism in our world. I will stand up in the voting booth and put into action what I have learned by becoming a student.

I PLAN TO PRAY

Don’t let this sound trite. This is not the kind of “I’ll pray for you” we often hear and never believe. I will ACTUALLY PRAY. As I walk around my kids schools and pray I will pray against the words and effects of racism. And I will do it…in mixed racial company…out loud. I will gather with people to intentionally pray about this specific evil. I will pray.

I PLAN TO DO MY BEST TO RAISE THE NEXT GENERATION TO KNOW BETTER

I just took my eleven-year-old for a walk because it was time to start having some more grown up conversations with him. While I tend to shelter him from much of the news, he needed to understand why mommy has been so angry the last few days. And we talked about race. And we talked about racism. And I will continue to talk about it. I am thrilled that my kids are in such diverse learning environments, but I need to do more. I need to say more. I will be more intentional moving forward.

I PLAN TO BE INTENTIONAL ABOUT WHAT AND WHO I READ AND WHERE I SPEND MY MONEY

I want to support the black community practically. Political action is part of that. But another part is actually supporting black writers, artists, podcasters, entrepreneurs etc. I have been and will continue to look at my bookshelves, and the places where I shop, and my Spotify account and ask myself: Is there diversity in my intake? Am I helping to lift up economically those who have been oppressed economically in unbelievable ways from our very first days as a nation?

I PLAN TO BE HUMBLE, TEACHABLE AND WOUNDABLE

A friend hopped on Facebook live Saturday morning. After the protests in Atlanta I knew I needed to talk to her. I needed to hear what she had to say. So, when she got on, I tuned out the world and I listened to every word she said. It was all heartfelt. It was all true. Some of what she said I had never thought of before. Some of her words felt like daggers to my prideful, privileged heart. And I needed all of it. I recognize that I come to this subject as a novice and an outsider. Lord, help me learn. Help me unlearn. Help me to search my heart and know every unclean way within me.

I PLAN TO NOT STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS WHEN IT NO LONGER FILLS UP MY NEWS FEED

You see, the deaths of Ahmaud Arbery and George Floyd were pivitol to me. They were the final straw when I said: “no more! I can not stay silent and do nothing anymore!” But they were not the beginning of this stirring. I have wanted to write on the topic for months. Right now, everyone is feeling it, talking about it, and wanting to do something. And I think that is right and it is good. But just as a widow is often taken care of for a year and then forgotten, so it could become with this issue. So, I commit to talking about this when we are back to Covid and the presidential election and whatever “comes next.”

And finally,

I PLAN TO MESS UP

Honestly, one of the things that has prevented me from speaking up before now is fear that I will “mess up.” Will I say the right things? Will I just look like the arrogant white hero trying to swoop in and save the day? Will I go about this all wrong? I have SO many questions and concerns when it comes to speaking up. I am going to make mistakes. I am going to say things and then be rebuked. I am going to do things that I later realize were not helpful. Frankly, I have already made plenty of mistakes…just in the last 72 hours! It is “safer” to just be quiet. And yet quiet gets us to where we are today. I am DONE with quiet. So, even if it means I make some big blunders on the way, which I will, I am going to repent and keep going, because this matters!

Even in this, I am sure some of my black and brown friends will read these words and cringe. I have no guarantee that these are the best things for me or for you to do. I never will really know. I just have to trust the voice of the Holy Spirit in my heart and I have to know that fumbling my way along like a new baby taking her first steps is surely better than standing still. I hope you will join me on the journey.