So, here’s the deal. If you are a parent who understood and deeply felt the “…” after “Kids and Virtual Worship,” then you are my people. If you did not, feel free to come back later, because clearly this blog post does not apply to you. If you are still here, let me tell you a little bit about how this transition to virtual worship has gone down in the Brisbois house…
WEEK 1: “This is cool!”
WEEK 2: “I’m in my living room so I guess I can make a cozy bed and endure the next thirty minutes without paying much attention.”
WEEK 3: “This is BOOOORRRING. I don’t get it. Why do we have to….”
WEEK 4: “I refuse to even come downstairs for this torture. You can’t make me!”
And just like that, Sunday became a battle!
You have to understand, that we do not live in a house chock full of rioters and insurrectionists. My kids make their desires known, but also know that in the end they need to get with the program when the program is an important distinctive of our family. And in our family, corporate worship is one of those important distinctives.
In our house, worship is a non-negotiable. It is what we do. Each week, no matter how we are feeling or what else we could be doing, we gather with our church family for worship. Period. And for those of you who know my deeper story or have gotten to watch the drama unfold each Sunday with your very eyes, you know that that has been no easy task. But for us, it has been a battle most worth fighting.
Enter virtual worship.
Let me start by saying that my hats go off to all of the pastors and church staff who are working so hard to figure out how to be the church in this moment in history. We have all had to pivot in so many areas because of this pandemic, but I know that for churches, this has been especially challenging! Our church, and so many others, have done a phenomenal job with the lousy hand they have been dealt. They have learned new skills and gotten innovative in ways they never thought they would need to. So, this in no indictment on them. It is simply the result of the place in which we find ourselves.
That said, let’s get back to the story of what has been unfolding in our particular situation…
As I said, in our house, there was a progression into the depths of the hatred of all things virtual worship. It began with complaining, turned to whining, mutated into screaming and crying and ended in outright rebellion. As parents we went through waves of listening, reasoning, insisting and in our desperate moments, did a little yelling of our own. (The crying was usually done by me, and in the privacy of my own closet.)
We have given them lots of options: our church, another church, a message from our children’s pastor, creating their own church service. We wanted to be flexible. We wanted to be respectful of the stress they didn’t know they were experiencing, and they didn’t know what to do with.
In the past few weeks, our Sundays have become much looser because the level of emotion they were raising in all of us just wasn’t healthy or helpful. Some weeks it has looked like sharing a testimony, other weeks offering a small devotional and then there are Sundays of doing absolutely nothing. It was never what we intended, and it grieves my heart immensely. But it is where we find ourselves by no one’s choice and as no one’s fault.
And yet, there is a sense of guilt. And there is a sense of fear. We know we will not be going back to “in-person church” for a while. How long can we keep doing nothing?
This past weekend, Clay took the kids to his parent’s house so they could finally spend some time together and so that I could get a desperately needed 48 hours of quiet. On Sunday morning, after watching the first virtual service in weeks, I found my spot in my office/prayer room and set out on a few hours of personal retreat.
After a couple hours I came to this prompt:
“Journal all the things that you feel anxious about or worried about in your future. Write out all the uncertainties you are facing when you think of the next few weeks, months, or even years. Take time to give this uncertainty to God.” (“Personal Spiritual Retreat” by Stephanie O’Brien [PastorSteph.com/retreat])
And as I prayed and started to let the Spirit search my heart, there was this:
“How hard it will be for the kids to transition back into church when the time comes.”
As I wrote it, I was almost surprised by it. I knew it was there but hadn’t fully acknowledged the weight of it or how much heart space it was taking up inside me. So, I opened my hands and gave it to the Lord.
Monday morning came. I was finishing up my quiet time and getting ready to go for my walk before the temperature hit 78 and would thus be “too extreme” for my Yankee blood. As I was looking through my podcasts, I got a text from my son’s friend, asking if he could talk to Drew. Part of me wanted to say no, because I wanted to get out there and walk and I needed my phone to do so. But I knew they hadn’t talked in a while and I figured: “This is two eleven-year-old boys. How long could it possibly take?” So, I gave Drew the phone and I took the opportunity to charge my headphones and clean up some of the breakfast carnage.
While I didn’t intend to listen in on their conversation, our downstairs is open and there really is no escaping the noise from one “room” to the next. And as I listened, my heart swelled within me. You see this boy is one of Drew’s best friends and he loves him. He has no religious background and Drew just may be his first Christian friend. For the past couple of years of their friendship, Drew has prayed for him. He has brought the Bible to school to read to him. He has done what so many of us grown ups are too afraid or self-conscious to do.
So, as I listen, I catch what is happening. Drew is once again sharing the good news of Jesus with his friend. His sister is leaning on his shoulder as he tells his friend: “All you have to do is believe in Him and you can live forever in His Presence. Isn’t that cool?!”
Now, I’m not going to say his words were perfect or that His approach left nothing to be desired. He talked a lot with little room for a response. And as he said: “here’s what you need to do. Just go to the book of Revelation…” I cringed just a bit. But then he read him these words:
“Then God and His Lamb, Jesus, will rule in the Heavenly city. The River of the Water of Life flows through the streets, and the Tree of Life heals all the people. There will be no more sin and no more night. And God will reign forever and ever…. ‘Here I am! I’m at the door and knocking. Anyone who hears my voice and opens the door will share my food and my throne in Heaven!’… Jesus stands at the door and knocks. Will you let Him in?” (“The Action Bible” David C Cook)
My heart about melted. My child has a living faith. My child IS walking with Jesus. No pandemic, no lack of church, no imperfection in his parents will ever be able to change that. Not 24 hours after writing down that very real fear, God gave me the most beautiful affirmation that He is indeed in control.
And in that moment, I was reminded of my lack of faith and my minimizing of the things we WERE doing. We WERE still keeping our daily rhythm of family prayer and Bible reading. We WERE still practicing Sabbath rest. We WERE still having those spiritual conversations with our kids. We have always believed that it is OUR responsibility as parents to raise our kids spiritually. So why were we fretting so much over a couple of months without church? Our kids were getting all they needed right here from us. More importantly, our kids are getting all they need right here, right now, from their Good Father.
So, parents, my message for you is this:
- Open your hands and give your worries and your children over to God
- Trust the foundations that you have laid
- Remember that God’s love for your kids is so much greater than even yours.
And as always, and in all things, remember grace. There is no way a few months without church is going to thwart the good plans of God. Don’t be afraid to mess up. This is NOTHING God can’t handle!