When the first phone call came: “He-llo. This is a message from XXX County Schools…” most of us went into action mode: “What do I need to order on Amazon? Where am I supposed to find their assignments? Do we have enough toilet paper?” Some of us lived in action mode for the first week; others for the first few days; and there were a few who only existed in that space for a matter of minutes. And then, after the hours, the days, the weeks, the emotions came. For some, they came like a pesky sore throat. For others, they came like a roaring flood. One by one and in different ways we moved beyond the statistics from observing the mess to feeling the mess.
The emotions are vast. The emotions are real. The emotions are revealing. And I would say that one of the most important things we can do in this moment is to give those emotions the space and attention they deserve. Beyond getting the homeschool lessons done, making sure we are adequately cleaning every bag of groceries that enters our home, and maybe showering every few days, we need to give ourselves the time and room to feel what we need to feel. If we are going to be able to enter bravely into this season, it is crucial that we become adept at identifying, validating and learning what each emotion is there to teach us.
But here is where the conversation becomes a bit nuanced. While we all HAVE these different emotions; we often interact with them and experience them in very different ways.
- For some emotions come fast and furious. In a way, people who experience emotions in this way almost become their emotions.
- For others, emotions sometimes come out sideways—they get angry when they are really scared; they get sad when they think they shouldn’t be angry. Their emotions are confused.
- For still others, emotions don’t come easily at all. They are very hard to access. They don’t know what they are feeling or even THAT there is an emotion there begging to come out.
While emotions are there for all of them, the access to those emotions differs and there is a different path to identifying and experiencing that can be identified as “healthy processing.” So here are a few tips:
- For those among us for whom emotions are easy, your biggest risk is drowning in your feelings. If you fall in this category, my best advice would be to turn off the TV and put down your phones. In this time social media and really any media are not your friends. Instead, try journaling. Write down everything you are feeling and lay it all before God. Head to the Psalms and see that you are not alone and that you WILL make it through this!
- If you are someone for whom emotions tend to come out sideways you run the risk of missing the REAL point. My encouragement to you would be this: when you feel something, ask if your response is at the level it should be. If not, ask what the real issue may be. Take stock of the emotions you feel easily and the ones that are most difficult. When you feel a “safe” emotion, ask God to reveal if there is really an “unacceptable” one behind it.
- And if you fall into the category of those for whom emotions don’t come quickly or easily you run the risk of missing it all. In this season, stillness and silence are going to be your greatest friends. Stop reading. Stop processing and trying to figure everything out and just be with God. Pay attention to the problems your mind wants to solve; pay attention to your body. These just might direct you to some buried emotions that are longing to be invited out.
I am not suggesting that you need to sit in your emotions all day long. None of us have time for that! There will be times we need to put them aside so we can get our work done, or deal with the meltdown that is happening in the other room. But the message I have for you is this: they cannot remain on the shelf. They cannot stay on the backburner indefinitely. If you try to ignore or repress or out-think your emotions, you will find yourselves handicapped. And mark my words: they WILL come! There is no holding them back here. It’s just a question of whether they will trickle out slowly and in a controlled way or if they will come out like a dam being broken down. The choice really is yours.
So, find your time to sit with those emotions whether they are on your sleeve, on the shelf looking at you funny, or hidden deep in the closet. Get up early and work on them as you sit in God’s Word. Turn off the podcast and talk with God about them as you take your mental health walk around the neighborhood. Sit with them after you put the kids to bed and are winding down from the day. It doesn’t matter “when;” it doesn’t matter “how;” it only matters “THAT.” What we are going through is big and it is real. Give yourself permission to feel it all!