It was the Sunday before “virtual learning” was to begin. We knew on Friday we would have at least a week of it, but we all knew it would be much longer than that. I started to feel that old familiar feeling of panic well up in the pit of my stomach. I have learned through many mistakes not to ignore that feeling—not to try and push it down. I have learned that God is seeking to speak to me through my body and it is imperative that I listen.
As Clay walked into the room, I said something to the effect of: “I am starting to freak out!” I went on about my anxieties about having the kids home, having to “homeschool” and living in a constant mess. And thus began the open lines of communication. I spoke honestly about everything I was thinking and feeling. Clay listened with empathy and understanding. It was what was needed in that moment and it has been what was needed ever since.
We both knew there was no way we were going to make it through this strange time if we weren’t willing to face it head on. And to do so, we had to start talking and keep talking. We had to start listening and keep listening. That night at dinner we had our first “Corona Virus Family meeting.” We didn’t want to scare the kids or overwhelm them more than necessary. At the same time, we knew we couldn’t act as though everything was normal. Nothing about this was normal and if we tried to pretend it was it would only make it harder, scarier, and MORE overwhelming.
So, we sat down and explained that we were in a weird time. We talked about what it would probably look like and be like. We gave everyone a chance to share their thoughts and feelings. What scared them? What were they sad about missing out on? We each shared what about this time was likely to be hard for us. Was it missing friends? Was it being cooped up inside? And then we came up with a plan of how we could help each other.
While we didn’t plan it this way, we quickly realized this was a lesson in love. My son may not care if the kitchen is clean, but because he loves his mom and it will help her have peace, he will clean it. My daughter may not need alone time, but because she loves her big brother and he does need it, she will respect that and give him his space each day. This was Philippians 2 in action:
“Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but to the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:4 NIV)
Not only did this conversation settle my heart, but it also opened the door for honesty and empathy in each member of our family in the weeks to come.
- It allowed my daughter to say: “I don’t like the way you teach, mommy.” And it gave me the heart to respond with: “Ok, well, let’s think about ways we can do it better next week.”
- It allowed my son to say: “I really don’t like having to stay in my room during quiet time.” And it gave me the heart to respond with: “Ok, but mommy needs some uninterrupted alone time, so if you want to play basketball during quiet time, you need to stay out there the whole time. Sound fair?”
- It allowed me to say: “I’m realizing the anticipation of having to go shopping is giving me a lot of anxiety.” And it gave my husband the heart to respond with: “Ok, why don’t I take on the shopping trips then.”
This communication was crucial on a practical level. As we got deeper, we saw more things that needed to be attended to and we came up with a plan for attending to those things. But it was also helpful on a much more lasting level. By modeling and receiving emotional awareness with openness and empathy, we were teaching our children and ourselves a lesson that would endure far beyond this moment in time. I can only pray that we all emerge from this crisis more self-aware, more empathetic and ready to love people even better. I pray that for you and your family as well!