We are a nation painfully divided. That was the thesis of my last blog post. The chasm between us has grown ever wider. The discourse has become uglier. The willingness to come together in compromise has nearly evaporated. And it is not just in our politics. It is in our friendships. It is within our families. And it is within our congregations. The metaphor I used to describe this heartbreaking division is that of setting up tents in neighboring camps and refusing to leave the confines of our own “territory.”
But now, let us get to the good news: there is no wall between our camps, and we can decide to explore other camps at any time.
Here what I am saying: I am not asking us to abandon every political and theological position we have ever formed. We may still return to our tent at the end of the day. That can continue to be our home. All I am asking is that we dare to journey into unknown territory from time to time. I am asking that we agree to take some time in someone else’s camp and that we agree to allow others to enter into ours and then, we listen. But here is the catch:
Truly listening, requires a posture of hearing to understand, rather than hearing to defend.
If we are going to listen to each other in a way that can build bridges and bring unity and positive change, a moldable heart must be present. We have to be open. We have to truly hear what people are saying and seek to understand why they are saying it. I believe the wisest people are those who are willing to gather around them the most diverse group of people. They are the ones who are willing to listen to anyone. So, my question for you is this:
Who are you listening to? Who are you reading? Who are you watching? Whose voice matters to you in this moment?
We are a diverse nation. We are a diverse church. For us to truly love that world that Jesus called us to love, we must know the world that Jesus called us to love. And to know the world Jesus called us to love, we must listen to the world that Jesus called us to love. If we only gather around us people who look like us, think like us, and experience life like us, then there is no way we will be able to make decisions and hold perspectives that care for the people outside of our group.
So, who are you listening to? Are you talking to, listening to, reading from, being ministered to by people who…
- Are of a different gender?
- Are of a different race?
- Are of a different generation?
- Are of a different party affiliation?
- Are of a different religion?
- Are of a different socioeconomic status?
- Have spent time or live in another county?
- Have expertise in a particular field?
- Have a different sexual orientation?
We need to listen to all of these people because all of these people are America. This country is just as much theirs as it is ours. We need to listen to all of these people because all of these people are included in the ends of the earth Jesus called us to reach with the good news. Access to Jesus is just as much theirs as it is ours. Our country needs to care for them just as much as it cares for us. And the Church certainly needs to.
We need to listen to all of these people because we are called to love all of these people. And we cannot truly love people we are unwilling to know. And we cannot truly know people we are unwilling to listen to. And perhaps most importantly, we need to do this because, as human beings, created equally by God, we are all both dirt and breath. We are all marked and marred by sin AND we are all those who have been created in God’s image and likeness. We are all at our core “very good.” And if you want to argue about that, you will have to take up with our Maker.
But before you go writing me off and thinking I’m crazy, let me give you some caveats.
- We can choose who from the other camp we listen to
I am not so naive as to think that we can have a productive, healing, and helpful conversation with every person who disagrees with is. There are certain people I generally avoid engaging with. I know that nothing fruitful can usually come out of a conversation with a person who has consistently and defiantly refused to leave his or her tent. I also know that a mutually respectful conversation is unlikely to happen with that person who had been rude or disparaging of those “on the other side.” The people I choose to listen to are those who are willing to meet me on the border, where there can be a mutual and respectful exchange of ideas.
2. We can choose how we listen
I have found in this moment that because relationships are so fragile, it is sometimes better to go to sources, rather than people. While I have had some conversations with people who have met me on the border in beautiful ways, in general, in this particularly tense and divisive time, I have found that the most authentic but emotionally healthy way for me to listen in through the news I consume. I do this, not because I don’t value the real people in my life, but rather because I value them immensely and would never want an ugly political argument to threaten a deeply cherished friendship.
I try and do this in a few ways. First, when a friend posts an article in a respectful way, that seems to differ from my perspective, I read it. They may have no idea that I have done so, but I know that through reading their perspective, I have listened. The second way I try and do this, is by being intentional about where I get my news from. I recently googled “where different news sources fall politically.” Many results came up and as I read them, I felt that this one by All Sides seemed to be the most fair and well-researched chart I found. While I know that there is no such thing as “unbiased news” or “unbiased people” we have to at least start somewhere.
When it comes to my daily news consumption, I choose a source that is considered neutral. This becomes my starting point. And then, when I find an article that is considered “right,” I search the topic and see if I can find anything on it from a source considered “left.” If a similar conclusion is found from a source of the opposite persuasion, or at least from a more neutral source, I am willing to give it more weight in my thinking. If not, it will not weigh heavily. Rarely, if ever will I even entertain the ideas contained in news considered “far right” or “far left” though at times, I may still search it.
3. We can listen productively, still knowing that our views on certain issues will not change
The reason I spent so much of my young political life drifting from side to side and unsure of my vote often until the morning of and election, was because I truly could see both sides of so many issues. Those are the ones I am continuing to grow in. And many of my beliefs have changed over time as my reading of Scripture has deepened and as my listening to people who differ from me has increased. That said, there are issues I am completely solid on. And yet, I have learned that even there I can still listen, and I can do so seeking to understand, rather than defend. Let me give you some examples….
My view on the presence of systemic racism in our country is not going to change. If you try and tell me that efforts to erase the history of slavery in our nation are good and should be done, you will never move me. BUT, if you want to talk about different ways that we can work to end police violence, that doesn’t involve “defunding the police” I am all ears.
My view on the insistence on universal paid family leave is not going to change. If you try and tell me that paid time off after a birth or an adoption should not be given to all, you will never move me. BUT, if you want to talk about how long that should be and how that should be funded, I am all ears.
My view on abortion is not going to change. If you try and tell me it is a viable means of “birth control,” that should be protected at all costs, you will never move me. BUT, if you want to talk about different policies that could help bring the abortion rate down, I am all ears.
We can enter into even these conversation with open minds and open hearts, and maybe even be surprised at what God does in us and in those we speak to. Listening doesn’t require us to change our stance, it only requires us to soften our hearts. It only requires us to take a day trip and recognize more than just the dirt in the person who feels like an enemy—but to see the breath of God as well.
I want to close by telling you a story that was a vision of hope to me.
I was recently engaged in a conversation with some family members when the discussion swerved dangerously into contentious political territory. A comment was made that I could have left alone. In the past I might have, for I was certain the outcome of speaking up would have been a stern: “Let’s not go there.” And yet, this topic was important to me, so I spoke up. And to my surprise, that person did not walk away or shut the conversation down, but rather willingly engaged.
Everyone else in the room bailed out of the conversation pretty quickly, but the two of us remained. We stayed in that conversation for over an hour. There were surely moments of tension. But there were also moments of laughter and moments of unity. There were moments when I was able to see his point of view better and I think moments where he was able to see mine. Did my views change? No. Did his views change? Probably not. Did it take a ton of mental and emotional energy to go there? You bet it did.
And yet, some very good and powerful things happened as we walked back and forth together through each other’s camps. We came to know each other more deeply. I heard stories I had never heard that gave me a fuller picture of who he was and how his life shaped his perspective. Details of his history and present reality helped me understand better why he stood where he did. Perhaps most importantly, I believe it allowed both of us to see that we could disagree and still have a civil, loving conversation. We truly experienced the reality that we could accept the fact that we lived in different camps on this issue without having the relationship fall apart. In the end, we hugged and thanked each other for staying in the conversation. In many ways, I think our relationship is stronger now since we dared to step into the unknown.
The fact is, none of us are naïve to the fact that these differences exist. They are like a balloon, inflated dangerously full that we know could explode at any time. When we are willing to enter into conversation, it is acknowledging the balloon, and hopefully, in engaging with mutual love and respect, slowly allowing a little air out at a time. When we agree to listen to someone that we disagree it cannot help but humanize the other side. The other side is no longer a platform to be defeated, but a person to be loved. And the result is usually a heart that softens, for it is always much harder to hate an “enemy” you have come to know.
So, today I want to challenge you, I want to challenge me, to enter into love by entering into listening. And I want to leave you with the words of Jesus, after He put His love into action by humbly washing feet:
“’A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.’” (John 13:34-35 NIV)
So, brothers, so, sister’s let’s not tell people we are His disciples by the policies we agree with. Let’s show people we are His disciples by loving one another with this kind of radical, welcoming, unwavering love.