I have always loved elephants. The beauty. The power. The uniqueness. But my love for elephants grew even more when I learned more about their social habits. Here are some fun facts about the social and emotional nature of elephants:
- They are unique among wild animals in that they form strong social bonds of companionship, friendship and family.
- Elephants form “herds” which consist of three or four closely related female elephants plus their calves. These herds live and travel together throughout their entire lives.
- Members of a herd are constantly working together to find resources, care for their young, and defend themselves.
- Elephants are able to cry and can be very emotional at times; especially at births and deaths.
- When a mother elephant is hurt or dies the other mothers will step in to help ensure that the offspring survive.
- When an elephant becomes distressed, other elephants nearby will respond with calls and touches intended to console the individual.
- Elephants aren’t always serious. They also love to play and can be very carefree at times as long as their basic needs are being met.
About two and a half years ago a group of friends and I decided that we needed more intentionality in our friendship. We were already very close, but we all came to each other with the same need: more Jesus! So, we decided to meet regularly and deliberately to grow together towards transformation in Christ. After a nameless year, one of the members shared with us some of these habits of elephants and declared that we were her elephants. Needless to say, the name stuck.
So, let me tell you about my elephants….
- We go to different churches and come from different backgrounds. We are Baptists, Presbyterians, Methodists and independents. Some of us are more liturgical, some more charismatic. Our theology is all over the board.
- We have kids that range from 1 to 24. In our group of baby elephants we have all kinds of struggles and uniqueness. We cry almost every week over our babies whether they are toddlers or grown ups.
- We were born in Massachusetts, Virginia, Georgia, Florida, Kentucky, the Dominican Republic and Portugal.
- We have masters degrees and high school diplomas.
- We work full-time out of the home; we work full-time in the home; we work part-time; we run our own businesses.
- We have experienced neglect and abuse of every form at the hands of strangers, spouses, parents, family friends, acquaintances and even trusted “religious authorities.”
- We have buried parents. We have buried pets. We have even buried children.
- Some of us are amazing dancers. Some feign rhythm and put on a good show for the rest of us.
We could not be more different, and we could not know or love one another anymore.
This group of women will do anything for each other. We will come over and clean when one is feeling overwhelmed. We will cook meals when one is sick. We will watch each other’s kids (well, most of us) when we are in a jam or need some time away with our husbands. We dispense free medical advice and teach each other about harmful chemicals. We make sure we are looking stylish and nicely manicured when necessary and give each other permission to look like slobs at other times.
We are incredibly vulnerable with one another. We rarely leave a meeting together without someone in tears. We have told each other secrets no one else knows. We have spoken the Holy Spirit’s words over one another and prayed for each other with reckless abandon. We will fight for each other as we would fight for our children. We are a herd.
I tell you about my Elephants for two reasons. First, you will hear about them a lot. They are some of the instruments God has used more than any other to bring me to the place of greater and greater self-knowledge and freedom. Think of me as a bird thrashing around trying to shake off the shackles on my legs. My elephants are like the kind birders who gently try and catch me to set me free. So many of the lessons I have learned about freedom, I have learned from these six women.
The second reason I tell you about them is because I am not really sure it is possible to experience that true freedom without people like this. Community is one of the Freedom Tools God gave us from the very beginning of time. Relationship is at the core of who God is (Father, Son and Holy Spirit) and at the core of who people are (“It is not good for man to be alone.”) God used a community of people “Israel” to bring about His promise of restoration and redemption and once Jesus ascended to Heaven, the Church was formed to together be the bride of Christ—the “one” he came to rescue and redeem and the one through whom the good news of the gospel would spread.
In one of Jesus’ final sets of words to the disciples His prayer for all future believers was this: “May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me” (John 17:23b NIV). And if you want to see a beautiful picture of this at work, just look up Acts 2:42-47.
God made us for relationship. Without relationship we cannot experience encouragement; we cannot experience exhortation. Without community we cannot fully understand our strengths and our gifts. It’s like alone we have a two-dimensional relationship with God, but when other people draw points outside of our own little plane, we can see things in 3-D and the image changes, the experience changes. We come to life. So, if you don’t have elephants in your life—find some! It may take time, and you may knock on the door of some lions in the pursuit. But I tell you—they are out there! And when you find them, hold on with all you have. Be willing to risk revealing your heart and allow them to do the same. And let them hold you down so God can break the shackles in your life.